If dinner is not amazing...

It has been a grueling couple of days with Lochlan fighting yet another intestinal issue that resulted in copious amounts of vomit, 14 (no, seriously) loads of laundry, and a worry filled atmosphere. Daddy was out of town, of course, because that's mandatory for any intestinal issues to plague our family. The other boys have been stepping up to their manhood zealously and even made and fed themselves dinner last night. After they had eaten their dinner, tucked the ducks and bunny into bed for the evening and gotten themselves completely bed ready, I heard the kitchen filled with industry. 10 minutes later, they emerged in the bathroom, where I was attending to Lochlan, with a cup of hot tea (decaf - they emphatically stated!), and a plate full of yummy morsels for my dinner: grapes, peanuts, a carrot, and a hefty helping of butter smeared over a freshly baked biscuit (just the way I love it). Paugie said, "Mama, we tried to make you a dinner only out of things that we know you love." Well, you succeeded impressively.

Today, we tried to pretend like we were back in stride, but there was an obvious lull in everyone's exuberance and alas we all agreed to call this day what it was: the result of way too little sleep.

As I nobly (in my mind) pieced together dinner tonight from the depths of the fridge, I proudly called out: "Dinner! Come sit down!" Tiny human (Kelton), grumpily set down his toy, starting toward the table and subtly stated: "If it's not amazing, I'm going to toss it down the drain." I met him halfway to the table and said, "I'll meet you in the bathroom, young man." The bathroom - where all great "come to Jesus" meetings transpire. Tiny, I really like your face (it's a very nice face), but you have a responsibility to be a nice man and I'm going to help you embrace that responsibility. :-)

I hear 2 out of 3 of my canine children snoring rather blissfully, and I think they're really on to something. So, until next time...

Just hold my paw...

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. 

If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are." ~ Anonymous

She shares in my delight in every adventure.

She wakes up every morning and steals my heart again.

She knows things she can't possibly know. Today was difficult beyond measure with Lochlan. This dog climbed into the backseat to lay herself against Lochlan during one screaming fit in the truck. He instantly calmed and even laughed. Then, when I sat down on the floor to cry and try not to scream out in fury and frustration, she laid her head in my hands and looked at me imploringly. I instantly felt comforted and hopeful. 

Partners in Crime.

She's hilarious but expects you to take her seriously. #radiantbeauty

It's a bird... it's a plane... no, it's a supermoose!

Just hold my paw and you will know comfort.

Ratforest, the jellyfish

This life... extraordinary in all that is ordinary. In each day, I am surprised when the joy and delight of the simplest happenings diminish (erase?) the sheer magnitude of the impossible. 

"Mama, I bought you this red jar [with $.25 of his hard earned money] so you could put your flowers in it, because I know you love beautiful things." Paugie, you are one of the most beautiful things I have encountered in this life. 

He made me a delicious salad for breakfast, with fresh lettuce, basil, mint, apples and topped with pesto and vinegar. He told Lori in a video message that he would make her one when she came to visit and that if she called him when she got near the house, he would have it ready when she came up the driveway. :-) 

To know (and receive) the genuine love of a creature as magnificent and fragile as a horse is a gift indeed. 

To find a friend who cares for the ones I love and treats them with kindness and love, is a gift beyond measure. Kathy bestows goodies to my horses, dogs, and children on a daily basis. :-) 

The bond of affection between a boy and his duck is humbling and strangely profound.

When this human successfully finds a way to communicate, my heart usually stops, momentarily, and it takes sincere effort to not shout in jubilation. As I (guiltily) distracted myself on Facebook late one evening, Lochlan hovered, hopefully. Finally, he grabbed his talking device and pressed, "Finish" not once, not twice, but three times. When I asked him if he wanted me to finish so that I could go to bed, he smiled and clapped his hands! In this season of so many (communication) frustrations, hope still reigns. 

This man is a thorough composite of serious opinions/ideas and absolute hilarity. After three too many gagging imitations at dinner, I promptly sent him to bed, only slightly less than starving. After some weeping and gnashing of teeth, he quieted down, but when he softly called, "Mama?" I definitely still snarled, "What Kelty???!!!" He demurely responded, "Mama, I just need to kiss your face." I'm not ashamed to admit that he took the snarl right out of me. He kissed my face and went back to bed. 

Assisting me in my efforts to decipher what he had drawn on his paper, He stated, "Mama, that is Ratforest, my jellyfish." Obviously.

And speaking of sea creatures, his favorites are "octopisses". I have tried to clarify the difference between octopus and octopiss(es), but to no avail... 

As he hoofed it out the door to embrace the day's adventures, he stopped and announced, "Mama, I really think you should know that there is love in my heart for you right now." Whew!

"Mama, I need to change my head." "Why? You have such a nice face. You should probably keep that face." "Well, I'll keep the handsome, but I should probably change my head." ???????? Later, he told me he was talking about his toothbrush head. Naturally. 

After he found a watch and started wearing it. He suddenly shouted, "Hurry! You have 4 seconds!" "Until what?" I responded with alarm. "Until our worlds collide and I become the boss!" 

When I asked Madigan if he'd like to be the parent for the day, he said, "Yes! I would love that!" I spelled out what that looked like for the day, and he scrunched up his face and said, "I'd like the power, but not the responsibility." Genius. 

This red head is full of creative ideas, solutions for every problem, enough energy to implement every idea he has and the ability to motivate us all to things we do not actually believe we can achieve. He is an inspiration to me. 

During tea time one morning, he kept interrupting us, so we turned on him and started interrupting him while he was talking. As his frustration mounted, he said, "If you don't stop interrupting me, I'm going to curse?" "What curse word did you have in mind?" I asked. "Probably 'fart'." If you're going to make a bad choice, that's a pretty good way to go. :-) 

 And, of course, there's always the hilarious and absurd. 

Grab your sunglasses because sheeze a radiant beauty! 

Comfy?

Utilizing more mobile methods for cheesecake cooling, due to the recent rise in cheesecake thefts.

It might be pumpkin pie for dinner. Or, it might be refried bean casserole. #labelthiefinourmidst

 

He said goodbye

He also said, "Hi!" 

A month ago, Lochlan got an ear infection and was put on antibiotics. Almost immediately, his screaming increased to several hours a day - screaming from sheer frustration at not being able to communicate, screaming TO communicate, screaming from pain (most likely intestinal), screaming from anger about everything and nothing. It has been agonizing and every part of my brain (and, okay, my heart) feels taxed. 

The forward momentum in Lochlan's speech/communication all but ceased and was replaced by poor choices in behavior. Discouragement has been my close friend these past several weeks; hope, a distant memory. It's pitiful how easily we become despondent when the screaming (both literal and figurative) drowns out the singing around us. I know that I have frustrated Lochlan - he perceives my anxiety. He watches me and sees into my soul (I'm pretty sure) and his emotions often track my own, when mine aren't tracking his. 

So, today, as I approached my wall at a full gallop, my course was dramatically altered when Lochlan spontaneously said, "Hi" on a video message to Lori, and then "bye-bye" with a wave of his hand upon the conclusion of the message. I promptly burst into tears and a rather gushing outpouring of my delight. He laughed, patted my cheek ("Oh Mama, ye of little faith...") and left two other video messages, using his (two new) words.

I suppose men of few words are really and truly heard when speak they do. :-) 

As you fight...

As you fight to find words/language, I see you struggle each day, wanting to know and be known. I see you try so very hard to understand, to express yourself, to be the best man you can be and to truly excel at being you. I see you wanting love without condition, deep understanding from those of us who love you most fervently.

I see you alone, inside yourself, but wanting to be a part of it all, this thing called life.

I see you angry because you know, but we don't and you don't know how to help us know.

I see you excited about the adventures we share together! That brings me endless delight and I know it gives you hope. You go find my truck keys every morning, and often grab your horseback riding helmet in order to expedite the day's exploration adventures. Man after my own heart!

I see you taking in the wonders of the creation around you and watching those insights bring you to life is magical to me. You are happiest when you are taking in those places both familiar and brand new, hiking alongside your brothers, riding on "your" horses, or driving for endless hours along the dirt roads that lead us ever deeper into the forests and canyons.

I see you find yourself - your excellent, endlessly talented, courageous, passionate, and joyful self - when you are sitting atop your horse(s). You run your fingers through their manes and just laugh out loud and I know you love every part of these creatures that bring us so much life. Sometimes, I catch you leaning forward, just smelling them, like you can breathe in the very essence of who they are.

I see you discouraged when you feel alone or set apart. You are such an integral part of this family and what makes us tick. You will know and understand that someday. We each treasure you, uniquely, because you play a different role in all of our lives. I love watching you interact with each of your brothers... in so many ways you are the axis upon which we rotate, even in your quietest moments of just being. 

You are struggling to find your voice. This week, you have succeeded in saying: Tea, movie, go, bye-bye, candy, yum... we all nearly exploded in pride and hope overwhelmeth! 

In those darker months/years (almost 4 years) where you were so lost inside yourself, so perpetually miserable and upset (you screamed for almost 4 hours a day and were awake most nights), so utterly alone (never participating in the things your brothers were doing), blind hope was often the only thing that helped me climb out of bed each morning. I prayed - oh so many endless prayers - that you would begin to find yourself, that you would start to SEE others, that you would know (deeply) that you are so needed and loved by each of us, that you would find abundant joy in the stuff of life, and that you would find comradery with your brothers. You have found all these things and so much more. You more often than not are the one leading this pack as we follow our hearts (and a whole lot of trails) through the forests and meadows. You instigate roaring games of tag throughout the house, You are the front runner in the dump truck races (and ear ringing noise) that make my phone conversations utterly impossible.

So, each day I will continue to pray, as fervently, that you find your voice (it's THERE. IT IS THERE!), that you continue to grow into the man you are destined to be and are so clearly becoming. I will pray that you find Truth and that you will be faithful to love well. I will pray that your courage never fails you, but that it takes you to the places everyone says you will not go, as it already has!